This is my 700th post! Wow. Are you still there? To celebrate, in true Jillian style, I'd like to share yet another embarrassing story about myself. This one happened on Saturday. Setting: Bryan's step-sister's bridal shower. I'm sitting in a nice restaurant at a table full of women, of whom I only know three. We're…
Tag: nobody thinks i’m funny
I swear, I’m really not that weird!
Last night, I worked at the makeup store from 8-10 pm, restocking shelves after the arrival of a huge product shipment. I walked into the stockroom to find 200ish boxes of goodness: lipsticks, hair straighteners, perfumes in pretty atomizers, holiday gift sets, sparkly false lashes. I also found pizza, cookies, a good ol’ fashioned boom…
Ok, so we’re not saying that one anymore?
The other day at work. Brad: Did you get your tattoo? Can I see it? Hillary: Sure! Brad: Wow! It's a lot bigger than I thought it would be! Me: That's what she said!! I look around, grinning like a fool, expecting to hear roaring laughter throughout the office. I had proclaimed it loudly, after…
Continue reading ➞ Ok, so we’re not saying that one anymore?
What is wrong with you people?
Note to self: Never make jokes. Ever again. [Sitting at work, conversing with three coworkers.] Coworker 1: My brother-in-law just got a new job and has the best job title! Coworker 2: What is it? Coworker 1: He's a 'breast specialist'! Me: Well then, I would LOVE to meet him! Pause for hysterical laughter... andddddd...…
Ok, so maybe we’re not that close yet.
I've been trying really hard to get to know people at work. We spend most of the week together, so we might as well get along, right? Plus, I need some friends in this new town. The other day, I had been having a fun conversation with a girl in the office. She was telling…
Ooooooohhhhhh (That’s a ghost)
Jillian: "Hello?" Resident: "Um, hi. This is Jason in building 11. Something weird is happening." Jillian: "What?" Resident: "Well, my garage door has been opening and closing on its own. It's so weird." Jillian: "Oh. Well, I bet I know why." Resident: "Why?" Jillian: "Because your garage is haunted!" Resident: "...Do you really know why?"…
It’s the future I can see
Jillian: I'm psychic! Coleman: What? J: I had a psychic dream last night. C: What was it? J: I dreamt that Jay Leno died, and then I woke up and heard that Ted Kennedy died! C: That's not psychic. J: Yes it is! Think of how similar they look! Both have big chins and jaws…
A lifelong goal has been achieved!
At work, our sales skills are evaluated once a quarter by a "secret shopper." I got shopped earlier this month by Ronda. My results came in yesterday. If you can read the part underlined in yellow (coincidentally), Ronda summarized her time with me by saying: Jillian's sense of humor was very contagions. [I think she…
Speaking of being naked…
I went to the doctor this morning. After the nurse finished writing down everything I'm allergic to, my height, weight and medications, she said, "Ok, go ahead and get undressed and the doctor-- Have you met the doctor before?" "Yes," I answered, appreciating her concern that I might feel uncomfortable undressed in front of a…
How I got invited to Ellen DeGeneres’ wedding and subsequently became her best friend
I had the best dream. Ever. I was in LA at a taping of the Ellen DeGeneres show (which I LOVE!) and, for some reason, Ellen called my name and asked me to come sit next to her. She interviewed me, and I was really on the ball--telling hilarious jokes, making funny faces and doing…
Jillian Wyatt 