Have I mentioned before that I have to take public transit to my office in downtown Nashville? The city is growing by leaps and bounds, but the parking situation is seriously lacking. So every day, I get to roll up to work in a classy, yellow shuttle bus.
A few weeks ago, I pulled into the parking lot and saw that a yellow bus was just about to pull away. I rushed from my car and down the sidewalk to try to catch it, and thankfully, the driver stopped to let me on. The very last passenger.
Of course, that meant there weren’t any seats left, only standing room. So I, being like 6 months pregnant at the time, bumbled down the center aisle and stood on my tippy toes to grab hold of a handle with which to steady myself in the back of the bus. Miracle of miracles (this being the south, and all), a kind young man arose from his seat and offered it to me. Enthusiastically, I agreed to switch spots with him.
Now, you should know these shuttle seats are uncomfortably close to one another. I mean, they’re really maximizing the number of passengers on those things with little regard for anyone’s personal space. So, carefully, I backed my big body into position above the open seat, just between another guy about my age and a girl texting on her phone.
Unfortunately for me, just as I lowered my rotund pregnancy booty to sit in the seat, the bus driver hit the gas and started cruising down the road. So, instead of sitting in my seat, I sat directly ON THE LAP of the man in the seat next to me.
And then, because of the momentum of the shuttle and the 30+ extra pounds I had packed on at the time, I couldn’t get myself back up, despite my best efforts and some involuntary grunts.
Side to side, I struggled. Up and down, I struggled. All the while, uttering apologetic phrases. “I’m sorry!” “Oh my!” “I’m stuck!” “I’m so sorry, sir!”
It was only when the nice man PUSHED ME UP BY MY BUTT (which was easy because I was sitting ON HIS HANDS on his lap) and guided me back to my seat that I was able to move.
Once settled, I tried to collect myself and looked around the shuttle. Everyone was staring at me. Even the driver. I blushed crimson red and turned to the man. “Umm, good morning,” I said. “Sorry for sitting on your lap.”
He stared back at me without so much as a peep.
And together, we all rode to the office in silence.