Hey hey hey! Here we are again, reader. A fresh, new season of The Bachelorette.
It’s been a whole, what like 9 weeks-or-something since we cried together over the finale of Ben Higgins’ Bachelor? Wow, the production schedule for this show is astounding!
So, I’m currently in Chicago on business. Tonight, a coworker and I are going to dig up some tickets to see Adam Sandler at the Chicago Theater, which should be super exciting. Unfortunately, that means I have to miss the premiere of this episode. I’ll have some major catching up to do when I return to Nashville tomorrow.
In the meantime, I’ll share with you my predictions for this season – a 1-to-26 ranking of all contestants. This is the very list I used to draft a bachelor team for one of my leagues this season, and my strategy is to select mostly guys who I think have a high chance of winning and throw in a couple of crazies who will get me good drama points. I have read no spoilers; this is based purely on my intuition and the generous bios ABC posted on their website.
- Chase. I just have a good feeling about him. He seems like a winner.
- Jordan. Aaron Rodgers’ brother? Former NFL quarterback? He’d be high on my list, for sure.
- Wells. A Nashville favorite.
- Chad. This guy seems like a jerk, and I hope he gets drunk all the time and tries to fight everyone.
- Alex. He’s handsome. A little Clark Kent-esque? I’m afraid he might be too nice for JoJo.
- James S. I like his smile.
- Derek. He seems like JoJo’s type. Handsome, probably kind.
- Vinny. Ok, I think I have a crush on Vinny. He is cute, seems to have a badass edge – and he’s a barber? Swoon.
- James Taylor. He seems tender. I’m hoping his musical side gets
- Peter. The moustache in his profile is a little deceiving (I hope), but I think I could be into him.
- Sal. Again, he seems like JoJo’s type.
- Grant. He’s cute. Probably not too promising, but hopefully a little dramatic.
- Nick B. I honestly don’t remember who this person is or why I ranked him here. I guess that’s why he’s smack in the middle of my list.
- Coley. This guy will probably get drunk and strip down naked in the pool on night one.
- Luke. He creeps me out. I feel like he’s staring into my soul.
- Ali. He seems like a jerk, but I think he resembles JoJo’s brothers a bit, which might bode well for him.
- Jake. Jake looks like he’s about to start some shit.
- Robby. Robby is gay. 100%.
- Daniel. No thank you, Daniel.
- Will. He looks too squishy and wholesome for JoJo, I think.
- Nick S. WHY ARE YOU WEARING A BANDANA NECKLACE?
- Evan. No, never.
- Brandon. A “hipster” with no tattoos? I’ll never believe it.
- James F. Just no. Sorry.
- Christian. He has a nice smile, but I don’t see him going far.
- Jonathan. Again, no. But “JoJo and Jo” is a pretty cute coupley name.
We’ll see how these predictions ring true. C’mon JoJo!