Well, Christmas has come and gone, and sadly, so has Rhiannon, the witchy woman who lived upstairs.
Last week, I got an email from our landlord that said something like this:
Hey Jillian, just wondering: do we pay your utilities, or do you?
A. That is concerning. Umm, you pay our utilities, lady. Does this mean our power’s about to get shut off? Shouldn’t you know this? Don’t you have a copy of our lease?
B. Why are you asking?
Hey Blah Blah! You pay our utilities. They’re included in our monthly rent. I can send you a copy of our lease if you need it. Why do you ask?
Your upstairs neighbor moved out, and we need to list the apartment on Craigslist. Thanks so much!
Well, that explained the mystery as to why we haven’t seen or heard Rhiannon in over two weeks, but truth be told, hearing of her departure made me sad. We’ve been through so much together. If you’ll recall:
- Nathan lived alone upstairs for one month.
- Rhiannon showed up.
- Nathan disappeared for four months.
- I met Rhiannon in the middle of the night under the blood moon.
- Nathan reappeared around Thanksgiving.
- Rhiannon and Nathan disappeared together.
And now they’re just… gone?
So, like any responsible person, I commenced in conducting a little research. If you must know, I consider myself somewhat of an internet research connoisseur. I can dig up all sorts of dirt on people in the blink of an eye. I’m not good at organized sports, but God sure blessed me with the gift of efficient Google sleuthing.
I remembered that one time, our next door neighbors mentioned Nathan said he was working as a handyman at a new restaurant that was scheduled to open in town. So, armed only with Nathan’s first name and the restaurant name (and the power of the Lord), I was able to discover the following:
- Nathan’s first name is actually James.
- According to the locations of photos on his Instagram account, he remained in Nashville for the duration of his four month disappearance from the upstairs apartment. I have a(n unconfirmed) hunch he was living at the restaurant.
- He is also an artist.
- His Facebook page does not list him as being in a relationship, but Rhiannon’s does. She says she and Nathan/James have been together since 2010.
- Rhiannon is active on Instagram and Flickr.
- Rhiannon frequently tags her photos with #insomnia, which makes sense since, as I’ve already mentioned, she seemed to be awake and moving around her apartment most nights.
- She also posts lots of sexy selfies that people comment uncomfortable things on. Without going into too much detail, one of my original theories that she was a middle-of-the-night sexy phone worker might not be that far off.
- Also not that far off? My guess that she is a witch and/or vampire. Here is a sampling of her recent social media posts.
- Three pictures of spiders with captions about how much she loves spiders.
- Two pictures of her black cats with a caption about how much she loves black cats.
- Photos of the blood moon, obviously.
- “Hairdo Harriet is a lot more fun and horrifying if you pretend spiders are crawling on her face instead of hair.”
- A PICTURE OF AN ANIMAL SKELETON LAYING ON A TABLE IN HER HOUSE WITH NO CAPTION.
- Oh, also? Back to the selfies? A sexy photo of her ON MY BACK PORCH with the caption, “At least staying up at night means you get to walk through wet grass in the morning.” #insomnia
So there you have it, folks. The cold hard facts. Is Rhiannon a witchy woman of the paranormal? Why did Nathan move out? Was that Sunday afternoon drug dealer delivering something to help Rhiannon sleep through her insomnia? Unfortunately, we’ll never know for sure.
One thing we’re going to know very soon? Who will our next upstairs neighbor be, and will he/she/they be as hauntingly entertaining as Nathan and Rhiannon?