On my drive to work yesterday morning, I saw a woman on the side of the road who was smiling really big at me. When I got close enough and started to smile back, I realized: she wasn’t smiling.
She had a child’s pacifier in her mouth.
After work yesterday, I met Christy downtown for drinks. While walking back to my car after meeting with her, I stopped at a crosswalk. A man riding a Segway rolled up next to me. I glanced at him. He glanced at me.
“Nice ride,” I said.
“Thanks,” he said. “I can’t get around without this thing!”
“Better than walking, I guess,” I said.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Well, no. I mean, I work out a lot. Like, I’m in really good shape.”
“Nice,” I said.
“I’m actually on my way to the gym right now. To work on my abs. My six pack,” he explained.
“Cool,” I said.
He rolled away. To the “gym”.
Believe me, mister. Even if I were single, I would never be interested in a man who I met as he rolled up next to me on a Segway.