I may never understand.

On my drive to work yesterday morning, I saw a woman on the side of the road who was smiling really big at me. When I got close enough and started to smile back, I realized: she wasn’t smiling.

She had a child’s pacifier in her mouth.


After work yesterday, I met Christy downtown for drinks. While walking back to my car after meeting with her, I stopped at a crosswalk. A man riding a Segway rolled up next to me. I glanced at him. He glanced at me.

“Nice ride,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said. “I can’t get around without this thing!”

“Better than walking, I guess,” I said.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Well, no. I mean, I work out a lot. Like, I’m in really good shape.”

“Nice,” I said.

“I’m actually on my way to the gym right now. To work on my abs. My six pack,” he explained.

“Cool,” I said.

He rolled away. To the “gym”.

Believe me, mister. Even if I were single, I would never be interested in a man who I met as he rolled up next to me on a Segway.


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