The other night, I went to the liquor store after work to get myself a bottle of wine. Coleman was working late, so I was looking forward to a night with some Pinot Noir and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
I grabbed my favorite wine and walked up to the counter. One of the cashiers, the one with the gauges in his ears, was busy helping a lady with wild-curly hair, so I walked up to the register that the guy with the knit cap was working.
Knit Cap: Hey.
Jillian: Hi!
Knit Cap: How are you tonight?
Jillian: Good. Here’s my ID.
Knit Cap: (Looks at ID. Compares it with the name on my credit card.) Thanks.
Jillian: How are you? Wait, did I already ask you that?
Knit Cap: No. I’m good.
Gauged Ears: Hey! How do you spell “Menage”?
Knit Cap: Huh?
Gauged Ears: “Menage”?
Jillian: As in “Menage a trois”?
Gauged Ears: Yep. Is it an “e” or an “a”?
Jillian: An “e”. M-e-n-a-g-e.
Knit Cap: (Looking at me) Menage a trois?
Jillian: Yeah–
Wild-Curly Hair: (To Gauged Ears) Ooh, don’t you feel stupid? That girl knows how to spell “menage” and you don’t!
Knit Cap: It’s $8.94.
Jillian: What’s $8.94? Oh, the wine.
Knit Cap: Yeah.
Gauged Ears: Are you sure it’s an “e” and not an “a”?
Jillian: Yeah. It’s an “e”.
(Knit Cap looks at me weird.)
Jillian: I know because I bought a bottle of Menage a Trois Pinot Grigio last night. I mean, that sounds bad–
Wild-Curly Hair: The Pinot is bad?
Jillian: No, it sounds bad. Because I bought it last night. And now I’m buying another bottle of wine tonight.
Wild-Curly Hair: Well, I don’t want it if it tastes bad.
Gauged Ears: It doesn’t taste bad.
Wild-Curly Hair: That girl just said so!
Jillian: No, I said it sounds bad. But I didn’t buy it for me last night. It was for someone else.
Knit Cap: The menage was for someone else?
Jillian: Yeah. Well, not… It was a party.
Knit Cap: Ok, whatever. You’re all set.
Jillian: Thanks. Have a good day.
Knit Cap: Thanks.
Jillian: Whoops! I mean night. It’s dark outside, I guess.
Knit Cap: What?
Jillian: Nothing.
Gauged Ears: Thanks for the spelling.
Jillian: Huh?
Gauged Ears: I said thanks for the spelling. Menage?
Jillian: Oh yeah. You’re welcome.
Phew! That conversation was exhausting.
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In other news, this is the best sentence ever:
it’s true. it is free if you can cut it down and hail it away it.