Dolly’s Dating Disasters–Episode 1

I have this friend. We’ll call her Dolly.

A. Because I want to keep her anonymous in case someone who knows her reads this

B. Because I love Dolly Parton and Coleman doesn’t want to name our hypothetical first daughter Dolly

Dolly has bad luck sometimes when it comes to dating. OK, she has bad luck a lot of times. I don’t mean to poke too much fun at her, because I LOVE her, but I do get enjoyment out of hearing her stories after she goes on dates!

Says Dolly: “I promise that i am not TRYING to make the stories funny but rather just giving you all the details, as best as i can in email format…you know i would MUCH rather be acting it out in person for you.  Im so glad they bring humor to your world, and depression to mine…(just kidding, im not really depressed).”

Keep in mind: Dolly is great and single and cute, and these funny dates are not her fault. Here’s an experience Dolly had a few months ago, told in her own words:

Okay so on to the good stuff….or not so good stuff.  Now what you have all been waiting to hear about…”C”.  Well, I will begin by saying that it obviously will not be going anywhere, im sure you already assumed that since I did not call any of you declaring I was in love.  

The first half of the weekend was REALLY fun.  I flew in and he was late to pick me up because he got caught in traffic, so it made it less akward that he was not standing there with roses or anything weird.  So he just came by and picked me up which was fine and normal.  We then drove to Boston, dropped our stuff at the hotel and then walked around all evening.  

So we had a great time walking around, holding hands, acting kind of like a couple.  We got up the next morning at like 6:30AM so we could drive to Niagra Falls and get there by 3:30 so we could ride on this jet boat tour (dont ask).  Thats literally ALL he wanted to do that weekend. He was sooooo excited and could not stop talking about it.  

So we book it there and the car ride is fun, nothing too great…some good conversation, no ipod, no cds, only radio ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanted to die.  Okay so we are excited to spend $50 on this ride thing (which i think is a tourist trap, but whatever) and put on hideous rainjacket trenchcoats with lifejackets, yes so i look like big bird, awesome.  Ohh please dont let me forget that we have to take a picture together before we get on the boat..sooooo embarassing!  

Anyways, surprise suprise we get out there and they have to cancel it because there was a rescue situation and therefore the falls were turned off and so hence, no rapids.  Long story, im sure doesnt make any sense, but it doesnt matter.  Moral of the story–dent in our plans.  We then proceed to spend 2 hours to find a hotel, and had to go to BUFFALO, yes this is a beautiful romantic city….okay no its not.  We are both grumpy and annoyed because we got nothing accomplished for the day.  

We were planning on leaving the next morning at like 7am to get back home.  But because of the stupid boat, we had to change plans and go on the boat sunday morning at 11:30.  AHHHHH it was just so frustrating, and then i got back 11PM and had to leave at 5AM because i had class the next morning.  So all of that is details that do not matter too much…..

The important stuff: he is not as good of a guy as what i had thought, I dont think he cares too much about other peoples feelings.  He was very nice to me, but I do not think he knows what he wants.  Also, he has very little compassion for others, is very ethnocentric, and made lots of racial comments…yikes.  There is a spiritual base there but not sure where he is right now, and we didnt talk about it.  Sooo im bummed, and disapointed….i started to get my hopes up for this great guy, and he didnt live up to the expectations.  There were some stuff that i REALLY liked about him, but its not enough to try anything long distance.  So there you have it, another chapter in the love life of Dolly, closed.

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